To judge from the media you would think nobody over the age of 35 had sex any more, and as for those over 60, well, it’s just too disgusting for words! I mean parents, grandparents ...doing it! ugh!!
But does the menopause mark the end of sexual pleasure? Do men reach an age when they are no longer up to the task, as it were? Will it become a cup of Horlicks followed by a book at bedtime rather than a bonk at bedtime?
The good news is that sex can be great at any age, but it can be fantastic as a husband and wife enter their more mature years. Why should this be? Obviously, older people may not have the energy and stamina of people in their twenties. A man’s sperm production declines with age so there isn’t quite the same biological urgency, and he needs a bit longer to reload the gun. Some women produce less vaginal lubrication than they once did and may find intercourse less comfortable. Love making is likely to be a little less frequent, certainly not three times a day after meals! So, what makes the sex potentially better?
The answer is art and experience, quality rather than quantity, expertise more than exertion, taking the leisure to love.
By the time you reach your more mature years, if you have followed the principles set out in A Touch of Love you will understand exactly how to turn one another on. You will know what each of you likes and you can both more or less guarantee the results. Lovemaking has become an act of absolute confidence for both partners. As the Beloved boasts in the Song of Solomon, ‘I am a wall, and my breasts are like towers. Thus I have become in his eyes like one bringing contentment’ {Song of Solomon 8:10}. The natural slowing down of the man is a great benefit to his wife. He is hardly likely to suffer from premature ejaculation, so she has all the time she needs to reach her orgasm. Most wives enjoy playing with their husband’s penises and his less urgent demands allows more time for manual and oral play to both their satisfaction.
From the man’s perspective, his wife is likely to be more randy than ever, after all she has no fear of childbirth, there is no need for contraception, and no more periods. With or without HRT, a woman’s hormones settle at a level that leaves her still capable of full sexual satisfaction. So, this is the time for totally uncluttered, anxiety free, lovemaking. Making love for older couples need not be at all dull, either. Although you will probably have your favourite positions and techniques, there is plenty of room for dressing up games, messing around with the fun products that Whollylove sells, going out and smooching in corners like you were still teenagers, finding quiet places outdoors, in the car, hotel rooms. If you are both retired then making love in the afternoon is a great way of spending an afternoon – remember the Simon and Garfunkel song Cecilia? No kids means you can run around naked, grope at leisure with no fear of someone bursting in. You can take all the time you want in any room you like. There’s no need to keep quiet, no rush. Now is the time to put into operation all those celebratory ideas that we recommend in the book – and some of your own. In short, making love in later years it can be an immense amount of fun. The moral of the tale is of course, cultivate a good sex life in your younger years so that you lay the foundation for wonderful times in your later years.
Are there any problems? Well there can be a few. Some men do develop erectile difficulties. This may be caused by some hardening of the arteries or it might be caused by medication such as blood pressure tablets, antidepressants or by diseases such as diabetes. Anxiety needs addressing with some good counsel. The medical conditions are more difficult. However for many men the answer is Viagra or Cialis. Unfortunately, these drugs are currently available only on paid prescription and are expensive, though some medical conditions qualify for a free prescription. Distressing as erectile difficulty can be, some attention to general health, perhaps weight loss, dealing with the pressures of life can make all the difference.
A man should not feel a failure or that he has lost his virility. An erection is not caused by strength or by virility but by the ability of a muscle to relax and allow the penis to engorge with blood. It is it is not something you pump up, but something that happens when you relax enough to let blood pressure do its job. Realising this can help some men relax and so attain an erection. Vacuum pumps can help by lowering the air pressure around the penis and drawing blood into the tissues. Cock rings or restrictor rings can help keep it there. Yet, even if your erection fails it does no preclude love making. Many women can get real sexual satisfaction simply with groin to groin rubbing. In the complexity of a woman’s emotions, to feel loved, to feel cherished and caressed, to be artfully aroused, will usually be sufficient to produce a satisfying orgasm. Don’t forget either that your fingers and your tongue can all be used to good effect even if the flag sometimes remains at half mast.
Vaginal dryness can be a problem at any age and it tends to be related to monthly cycles. As women get older some experience more dryness. The answer is simply to use one of the many lubricants available today, but even saliva will do.
Some men run out of steam simply because they are unfit and because it takes them much longer to reach a climax. Well, why not take a half time break and do something less strenuous with each other for a while. Perhaps leisurely oral sex or a back massage, or take it in turns being on top. You can try less energetic positions like the wife kneeling and the husband standing and taking her from behind. You may, of course, find that the trusty vibrator makes for a good interlude without losing sexual arousal. Don’t forget, either, that any intimate caressing between the sheets is sexual activity even if it doesn’t always involve full blown intercourse. When you reach really advanced years that may be all you need for satisfaction. The important thing is not to lose the light in your eye for each other. As the elderly lady said, ‘Just because there’s snow on the roof doesn’t mean the fire’s gone out in the grate!’ So, keep on lovin’ and keep on making love!
